When I first started writing this I wanted to address it primarily to all of my mom’s with girls. Once I finished it though I felt it was applicable to women in general. A simple reminder of the importance of self-love and passionately pursuing your dreams can be the entire shift in your life’s happiness.
Think back to every Disney movie we watched as little girls. You know, the ones with princesses, glass slippers, kisses at midnight and riding away in a horse + carriage with a Prince Charming who SAVED THEM from their lives before love… What kind of picture does that paint in our minds? Love + a man (+ a fairy godmother) will make all of our dreams come true. The whole point in a princess’ life was to be swept away and married off to a dreamy lad.
Us ’90s girls, our mamas, and ESPECIALLY our grandmas were raised with this fairy-tale storyline essentially teaching us … cruise through your young life until you can find a man and become a wife + mother. The end. Happily ever after.
Now before I start, I have to emphasize this: PLEASE do not twist those words and my meaning for them. Becoming a wife and mother has been the BEST THING that has ever happened to me. Matt and Kennedy hold every part of my life’s meaning for love, family, and relationship. I find some much purpose in being a wife and mama. The point I’d like to make is that we cannot allow ourselves to think that we, along with our daughters and future granddaughters are only here to serve one purpose- a purpose that lies in the hands of husbands and children.
We are meant to be an example to our daughters (& fellow women) that we are strong and we are capable of being WHATEVER we want to be, even if that means we want to be more than a beautiful bride. Again, I want to point out that I find NOTHING wrong with wanting to serve your family as a wife and mom, I do not want to sound as if I’m against women doing so if that is their entire dream. But I do want to discuss the issue that I feel arises from seeking out a life of only being a wife, and that is the mentality of seeking out a man starts with thinking that you have to be good enough to be someones mate. It engrains in a girls mind that everything revolves around being good enough. It’s just commonly known that men want beautiful women. It is basically in a mans genetic code to be physically attracted to beauty. It’s in all of our natural human instincts to be drawn to beauty. Why do you think every poster and image plastered EVERYWHERE is covered in beautiful people? It’s just the way we’re wired. Because of this, if our girls are always seeking out validation through potential prince charmings, they’ll constantly go back to “I have to be beautiful for him.”
Our baby girls are going to grow up in a digital world. Images of both real and raw beauty plus altered, deceiving beauty everywhere they look. That is going to be rough. We are living in it RIGHT NOW and it is hard on us (whether you admit it or not)… Imagine what they will scroll past every time their screen is illuminated. Comparison will be the death of their self-love.
The desire to be wanted by a man can lead to looking for love through vanity, through sexuality, and through physical attributes. This can cause so much internal pain and if careless, girls hearts can be destroyed by freely giving away parts of themselves that really wanted to be kept. If girls think that their worth is determined by how attractive they are, it is going to crush them. Our lives holds SO much more than that. We cannot always look for approval based on our image. If we are always able to remember and share with our daughters that the only approval we need is God’s and our own to be happy, it’ll prevent from constantly seeking out validation through others.
I want to encourage each and every single one of you to raise your babies to find their passions and talents and true callings. And if you haven’t found one for yourself yet, start on a journey to do so! Each of us has something beautiful God has placed in our hearts that will ignite a fire inside when chased after. If those passions are found and pursued, we will feel so much more purpose and value in ourselves than just what meets the eye. Teach them to be the girl who is confident that she is worthy of love and sees herself as valuable despite her imperfections and failures, who understands that she has unique gifts that only she can contribute to this world will love herself and expect others to love her in return. She won’t be crushed when she meets rejection and she won’t easily give up when life gets hard. They can be LOVED so much more if they fully love and accept themselves first.
To end this, I DO want to say that I want a happily ever after full of love, kisses, babies and families for both my Ken and all of your wonderful girls. I want to see their hearts explode from all of the love they have for their own personal Prince Charming. I want to see them experience the indescribable love that comes from being a mommy. But I want to see them also LOVE THEMSELVES the way their husbands and babies do. I want them to wake up and being excited for their lives of both being the home CEO and personal passion CEO.
We have to raise them to create their own fairytales before living the happily ever after in the traditional fairytale. It is crucial to encourage them to love themselves, build themselves up, and be the version of themselves they want to be before allowing a man to come in and save their day. Their future relationships, parenting, and lives will be that much better because they first found love for themselves before allowing someone else to create that version of them.